I've been duped.
Upon turning 20, and then subsequently 21, I was assured by many 30 and 40 somethings that their twenties were certainly their favorite decade. Now, after having barely survived my first four years of it, I'm convinced that all of these people, during their teens, and thirties, and forties, were subjected to varied forms of unspeakable torture, and only then could they conceivably claim that their twenties were the best years of their lives. It is also possible that some might not remember much of their twenties or are, in fact, still 19. I gladly entertain any of those explanations.
So I am four years in and still waiting for the good stuff. And part of me thinks, "I have six more years for it to get good." And the more vociferous part of me thinks loudly, "HOLY CRAP, I WOULD RATHER EAT GLASS THAN PUT UP WITH SIX MORE YEARS OF THIS BULLSHIT."
These are the things that my twenties were supposed to guarantee me:
1. Fun.
2. Freedom.
3. Independence.
4. Development of some career goals.
5. An expansive "network."
6. Maturity.
I can safely say that I have less of all of those things since entering my twenties. In fact, here is the list of things to anticipate that I would distribute for those new twenty somethings foolishly looking forward to the ten years ahead:
1. Hangovers that last two days.
2. Directionlessness and the "quarter-life crisis" (I have had several already at this point.)
3. Living on a budget.
4. Changing jobs, haircuts, boyfriends, and apartments every six to twelve months and exhibiting an acute fear of committing to any of them.
5. Your first gray hair. And then the 10 after that, which suck a lot more than the first.
6. Feeling that, despite a decade having passed, you don't act that differently than you did when you were 14. And you still get zits.
Anyway, after having complained to many of my friends about how difficult and un-fun life in our twenties can be, I have begun to realize that I am not the only one suffering from the anxiety that invariably comes with a period of life characterized by instability, frequent change, and incessant decision-making. In fact, for the many of us who thought it would be all Cosmo's and sample sales, I'd say most of us feel downright bamboozled.
So I decided to start a little blog dedicated to airing frustrations or showing appreciation for our twenties. I fear I lack profundity, and I am not a brilliant writer, but I am hoping that others willing to contribute will fill those gaps. Spread the word to anyone you think might be interested in reading or contributing. Comment liberally, and email me if you'd like to author an post.
Monday, May 12, 2008
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9 comments:
This is SO TRUE! When I first turned 20 someone jokingly told me, "This is the decade where you are supposed to find your spouse, settle down, secure your career, put down a mortgage, and start having kids... Have fun!" Maybe all the feminism in my life has taken away my sense of humor, but that's NOT a funny joke.
Kate - %&*&$?@! How does anyone possibly expect us to find all of those things in one decade? Those things are not even on my radar for the next 7-8 years, and add 2 years of inevitable procrastination and indecision. At the same time, part of me wants some of those things to happen just so I can have SOMETHING even marginally stable in my life. All the same, I don't think your sense of humor is the one on trial here. Their comment was glib: a little humor, and no sense.
I totally agree with you. Ever since I left University, aged 23, I have hated my twenties more with each passing month. OK, that may not sound like much time seeing as I'm now 22 and a half, but when you are unhappy time really drags! I have realised that the 'real world' that seemed so elusive and brimming with opportunities and hope, and that I was so desperate to be a part of, actually sucks. Money seems to be the only thing that people are interested in and those doors of opportunity that I was waiting to push open haven't slammed in my face, they just haven't been there in the first place!
So here I am, 25 and in the 'prime of my life', at the so-called peak of my physical beauty (my hair is already thinning and I'm about 20 pounds overweight), unemployed, single after dating a string of losers during my twenties, pretty poor, lonely and just wishing for something good to happen to make this decade more bearable...I'm not holding my breath....How could anyone call this a good decade? Maybe if you're Scarlet Johanssen...
I meant that I'm 25 and a half!
At 24, I can safely say Ive completely and totally HAD IT. No more, give me my money back.
With literally EVERYTHING in life at the minute, it just seems like I have too many options, therefor too much decision-making, which then leads to a bit of a panic and finally plenty of procrastinating and hoping it will all magically fall into place by the next day. Or, if I do actually get the wheels turning on a specific activity, somehow EVERYTHING gets in the way!!! So it doesnt work out. Or maybe some of it does, the rest has to wait until my next day off work.
I don't like it.
Men; I don't understand at all. The decent, normal (so to speak) ones are all in their 30s-which still seems "old" to me!!And Im not quite at the stage of wanting a proper relationship(ie, veering towards marriage, kids, etc)yet,which seems to be their main objective.
Yet lads my age are actual retards. Or mummy's boys. Or STD-riddled. Which is nice...And thus Im not too keen on them either. Maybe Im just awkward :S
So, the option is to either aimlessly drift from one idiot to the next, "learning" from all THEIR cock-ups, or be single until I AM ready to finally give it all up for babies and mortgages!
This also majorly sucks.
Im lucky enough to have a job (not having any further educational quals), but thats an issue too-do I want to stay at it because it's comfortable and pays well?Or should I be more ambitious, spend (what I gather to be) A LOT of money on getting qualified in a field which seems ideal, but could possibly be shit in reality? Stay, go, hide under the kitchen table?
And then of course the friends/family aspect. My parents want the best for me. And to learn from my mistakes by not making mistakes. Which is a bit hard. And unfortunatly costs THEM money.There's also the factor that I quite enjoy my job/boyfriend/hobbies, but they think I "can do better", which means Im in a perpetual state of feeling like Im not quite meeting their expectations....
And friends...jeez...some are married with kids, some are in the army, some are living it up working in Spain,some are living with their boyfriend in a crap flat without a job,some are highly successful and some are like me. So not much help/guidance there, but they're all great :)
All in all, Im just a bit lost, not knowing what I want or don't want. What to do or not to do.It's scary crap, and I really wish I had someone to read me my itinerary and tell me what to do to ensure it all works out.
I sometimes put google to the test... so today I tested it with something I totally thought I was alone on.... you guessed it: "I hate my 20s". I'm really thankful to see that there are other people out there in my predicament. I mean the incessant life changing decisions, the pressure that my life isn't at all where I thought it would be by the wise age of 24, the fear that all the "good fish" are starting to be taken, the fact that Im the only one of my friends that isn't engaged or at least have found the "one" (gag me.)...Im gonna let these sentences run-on unashamed btw... the fact that I can just about swallow my doomed single-hood as long as I keep building towards my "career".... which by the way is in the mere conception faze, because well, yea, I guess I could have picked a better major than Theatre for an undergrad...so now with the reflection of "the real world" i FINALLy realized its time for a "real job" (note worthy: I totally lost passion for theatre so i'm not a sell out... it just not for me ya know?... im not saying that to crush anyone's dreams... thats just not my dream anymore)
Keep goin with school: anyone else feel under qualified? Over educated, under experienced? Experience is funny because you can't get any experience without experience... I should have read catch 22 because i'm sure it had something to do with this...
Life seemed to have lost its luster with these pressures. I used to be so passionate, and spontaneous, energized and motivated. The wind would blow and I would follow and the day would unfold which ever way it wanted. Now theres no time for that, the wind is a mere nuisance, Ive become a dangerous creature of habit and Im fearful, yet constantly hoping, that I get my spirit back.
I hate bars. I hate going to bars, I hate meeting people at bars, I hate small talk, and spending money on carp, and if we're being honest although I really dig a good drink i kinda hate drinking...
besides that point a story:
The other day (I was a few martinis in so bare with me if this isnt as profound as I originally absorbed it...) I was at a work party and one of my coworkers struck up a conversation with me (it was the day after I broke it off with this guy i was with) Feeling particularly melancholic and tipsy I revealed my frustration to this less than acquaintance, and he said this... "well heres the thing right now you're 24, and in 10 years you're going to be 34 and guess what thats still really stinking young." And i needed that. Yeah. remember that. take the pressure off a little and remember your 14 year old self, 10 years and what seems like a life time has flown by... and well im still young. and i guess i will be for a while so screw it. Sorry about this pollyanna twist of sentiments but eh oh well... - heres to the wind!
Great Post KEEP IT UP
With regards
Sammy
Home Check Ovulation Kit
You can find me by searching on Google HOME CHECK
Gosh this post was exactly what I needed. I'm glad I'm not the only 24 year old out there who feels like this.
Wow, I just googled "I hate my twenties" & found this. I'm 26 & these years have been a second roller coaster hellish adolescence (and yes, my skin is still zitty). Everything and everyone I know are changing constantly. One minute my friend group, job, direction for the future, boyfriend, etc are great and things are falling into place, then BAM everything falls apart and I'm a lonely mess. The breakups, the "marrieds vs singles divide," the changing jobs, the post-breakup social circle chaos, the absolute absence of stability & direction suck big time. Not to mention the panic of watching people younger than you buy houses, get married, have kids...and realizing you're behind and there's nothing you can do to change it. And faced with the fear that you might live and die single is a b**** to wrestle with. And what's up with the guys being mostly (not all) passive, porn-brained twerps who run from commitment?
Nobody told me about this...I think because our parent's generation got married earlier and the economy allowed most young guys to afford marriage & kids, it wasn't this bad for them, who knows. I don't know if this is the first generation of twenty somethings to be experience such terrible quarter life crap, but these years have been anything but great...
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